Dad, I’m confused.

Ephesians 4:14–16 (NASB 95)

14 As a result, we are no longer to be children, tossed here and there by waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, by craftiness in deceitful scheming; 15 but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ, 16 from whom the whole body, being fitted and held together by what every joint supplies, according to the proper working of each individual part, causes the growth of the body for the building up of itself in love.

Examine / Explain

Mature Christ followers are not deceived by a message outside of Christ. They are steadfast in their beliefs about who Christ is and what it looks like to follow him. The fruit of others help us determine what is true compared to the message of Jesus. Do their words and actions match the truth and love building others up? Do they care for other people in deed or only seek to build themselves up with their own followers? Chris is the head of the church; we are His followers, and it takes all of us doing our part to result in the growth of the church and individuals. We are known by our love for one another, not by seeing how many we can get to follow us.

What’s the application?

Have I lost sight of what is important in the ministry I’m in? Am I more worried about doing it right than about loving those around me? Have I blinded myself to what is really important? People! We watched the last episode of “The Chosen” last night, and when one of the Jewish leaders told Jesus, “He was sorry that he could not help Jesus” because Jesus could not do it, the Jewish leader’s way got me thinking. How many times are we “working” for Jesus, and Jesus is just sitting there staring back at us broken-heartedly because we are doing it our way “in the name of Jesus?” We think we are doing what is best when, in reality, we are “masters” of our universe and getting it all wrong. I’m struggling with this. Am I hell-bent on what the ‘best’ way to do something is and missing out on a blessing from God? Am I missing out on sharing my gift with others because I don’t like how it is handled? Is my wounded heart still bleeding out and preventing me from serving others? How do I heal so I can serve others? How do I get past the hurts so my part of the body is working correctly? What happens when I commit to serving in one area, and the area I would rather be in makes changes that I can get behind? Is that still self-serving because they finally saw it in a way “I” can handle? Submission doesn’t feel like submission until you submit to a high authority. Then what happens to the vision of leading I believe I was given? I am so confused as to what the next step is. Not that I think there is a “true” right next step, but God can use it no matter what I choose.

What’s my response?

Dad, I’m confused. I feel like I am standing at multiple crossroads in life and trying to drag a massive boulder in the “right” direction. Except I’m not sure what that direction is. The paths before me fork and then fork again. It appears that some of the paths eventually overlap, and I would wind up at the same place no matter which fork I start with. So, why am I so distraught over where to start? Does my “others pleasing” brain think that if I choose a path and it doesn’t appear to be the “right” one others will not like me? Is it that I don’t trust myself or You when making decisions? Am I even listening to You? Am I relying on my own abilities and picking what I think is best for me? I’m not bringing it to You. I know I’m not. In my mind, You are still this far off manly figure who is indifferent to what I do. I believe You don’t really care, which is I know is not true. It’s funny how believing and knowing don’t always align. Help my unbelieving, untrusting, and distant heart. I need to surrender to Your will and serve others where You place me. Amen.