Hear me YAWH

Psalms 69:16–19

16 Answer me, O LORD, for Your lovingkindness is good; According to the greatness of Your compassion, turn to me, 17 And do not hide Your face from Your servant, For I am in distress; answer me quickly. 18 Oh draw near to my soul and redeem it; Ransom me because of my enemies! 19 You know my reproach and my shame and my dishonor; All my adversaries are before You.

Examine / Explain

Let me know that you hear me YAWH, because Your lovingkindness is better than life. In Your compassion, let me know you see me. I beg that you hide your presence from me, Your servant. I feel as though I am about to die, and only You can save my soul. Rescue me in my disgrace. My enemies are before you. Come and rescue me.

How do I apply this in my life?

I believe these are the feelings I have been living these last few months. Not that I really had enemies attacking from every side, but I definitely felt wave after wave of crushing defeat. I felt like every little thing was an attack on me. My mind, body, and soul. I was walking defeated into every situation. But I didn’t give up. I had those around me to help carry me spiritually. I didn’t run from the word, but I wasn’t exactly running to it either. I was sitting there looking at it and waiting for something to happen, waiting for the Spirit to move or deliver me from the pain that I was experiencing. Why do we look for comfort so much? We, as people, want to escape pain as fast as possible. We run from uncomfortable situations. We hide from people we don’t like. We give excuse after excuse why we don’t go to a doctor. We hate pain and uncomfortableness. What if we get the most growth from dealing with the things that make us the most uncomfortable? Instead of asking God to save me from this situation, I asked what I should learn from this situation. Instead of avoiding people, we get curious about people. I think we are sacred if they actually let us in. Then, we will have to walk alongside them in their pain. When all we really want to do is find the next fun thing or numb our own pain with Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, sex, porn, drugs, alcohol, fishing, hurting, shopping, spending, ridiculing, sleeping, or entertainment. I watch videos of Christians having arguments about what we believe. Telling those who don’t believe what we believe how wrong they are. And the other side tells us how wrong we are. There has never once been a point in my life where an argument changed my mind about anything. It actually made me dig into what I believed. As followers of Christ, we will have to change, get uncomfortable, and love those unlovable. We have got to figure out how to speak truth in love. Not shove it down their throats. Preach? Absolutely. Unset the apple cart? Absolutely. Will they know us by how we love one another? They must!

What is my response?

Father, I feel like I went on a rant all over the place. But you know where my heart is. I want others to believe in Jesus. I am terrified of sharing the gospel, and yet I have a minimal platform you have given. I pray that I steward it to the best of my ability and that the things said and shared are what you want them to be. I pray for boldness and not worry about being canceled. Through anything that comes my way, I am able to love others through conversation and point them to you that I will walk alongside others through the messiness of life. That I live in the uncomfortable for you. I realized this week that all problems in this world are solved with death. When we put to death anything worldly, we can live eternally. I love my wife eternally minded when I kill my pride. I can be a better employee when I kill my pride. I can be a better leader when I kill my pride. When I get out of my own way, I follow you better. I pray that I keep on this track. Amen.