I’m sorry

Linktree Icon Store Icon Website Icon YouTube Icon Facebook Icon Instagram Icon RSS Icon Band Icon

Ephesians 4:4–6 (NASB 95)

4 There is one body and one Spirit, just as also you were called in one hope of your calling; 5 one Lord, one faith, one baptism, 6 one God and Father of all who is over all and through all and in all.

Examine / Explain

In our divine invitation, we become a part of something bigger than our individual selves. We become the hands and feet of the Gospel, empowered by the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. In that summoning, we have the expectant confidence in the hope, Lord, faith, and baptism of the one true God—the God of all. He has His mark on all things, across all things, and in all things.

What’s the application?

Where do I fit in the body? How am I using the gifts given to me by the indwelling of the Spirit? Am I living out the hope of my calling, or am I in constant despair? How has the baptism of the Spirit changed my life? Where is my faith put? In the gifts and abilities God has given me or in God Himself? A life serving the King is not free of hardship and heartache. In living in the body of Christ, hard things will come our way. How are we going to handle them? Do we shut down? Do we turn to our coping mechanisms? How long will we process the information that should have been grieved and buried? The mind is a strange thing. It is the first thing to lie to us. When we can’t cope or deal, it finds a way to soothe the pain. When it doesn’t understand it take liberty of filling in the missing pieces. We can waste away and wonder about what might have been, what is going on, or what could be, and we become paralyzed. But as the same time, we have to reach a point where we can hear the other side. I know that years ago, when I was entrenched in my sin, I was not ready to listen to the truth from my closest friend at that time. I was angry that he could say such things about me. They were all true. My blindness wouldn’t allow me to look in the mirror. I was young. I am older and more spiritually mature than at that point in my life, but it doesn’t make my mind any less powerful. Has my inability to process situations and information paralyzed me and put me on the sidelines? The answer is a yes and a no. I could move forward in other ways and get stuck in the rest. The best part is that God already knew how I would react, and He still gave me grace and mercy. Ministry still happens. Was it the fullest potential of living out my calling and place in the body? Probably not. Where do I go from here? I have an expectant confidence in the hope that makes me believe I am made for more. Am I ready for it? Can I handle it? The better question is, can I trust Him to handle it while I’m going through it? Here, we are back to the great mystery of the mind. How do I trust a male figure that I believe doesn’t really care? I know He cares about people but about me? I can’t count all the blessings He has given. And I’m not talking about just money. Although I believe that is where our minds go first. Many times, I wonder how I survived near misses. How many times I’ve prayed for my children because of unknown health issues? I mean I know what it is, but how do I change my mind about it? It’s so ingrained in to who I am it would be like telling me to stop breathing. I need to live and bury my trauma. So that when I do breathe, it’s not out of desperation because I’m suffocating but of calm, regulated self. Not all male authoritative figures are apathetic. And when I get triggered by such, I… pull myself up? That can’t be right. Turn to God the Father and Son. But that’s the issue: my faith is weak. My belief is weak because of His position. I want to overcome my triggers and traumas. I need to speak my mind when I feel triggered in those moments, not in a tantrum, but in a regulated member of the body being curious as to why the particular situation is causing these reactions. I must invest in others in the situation. I’m telling myself what I tell others. It is impossible to have contempt and curiosity for someone simultaneously. It’s one or the other.

What’s my response?

Dad, I’m sorry. I have the hardest time turning to You when I should. I neglect You because of my trials of feeling neglected. My view of who You are has been skewed for decades. I know I’m a believer, but I have trust issues. I still battle the lie that I am the only one who can take care of my needs. I’m sick of it. I want my mind to be different. I’m over my reactions to situations. But I get it. My body keeps score. When it gets triggered, there can be a response that I don’t want to happen. It’s what I do in that response. How fast can I get back to You? How regulated is my nervous system? You are bigger than my circumstances, my feelings, and any situation I’m in. So, why do I continually leave You out of my everyday life? I know, I know—trust issues. Help me overcome these. I need to get over myself and surrender to You. I get that sanctification is a process. I’m not where I want to be. However, I need to change my mind about that as well. I need to sacrifice my expectations of how I should be and where I think I should be spiritually, emotionally, and physically and look for Your expectations in those areas. Your will. Not mine. How do I continually build my sand castle while trying to keep my eyes on You? Both things will suffer, so stop building! Thank You for saving me. Thank you for bringing me into the body. Help me live out my calling and purposes. Amen.






Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *