Un-unforgiveness

Ephesians 4:30–32 (NASB 95)

 30 Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.

Examine / Explain

Paul continues to give us the needs of a believer in our new life. We are not to grieve the Holy Spirit living within us. We grieve Him with our unforgiveness which is spawned out of bitterness. Bitterness is birthed when our pride is wronged and we declare our kingdom is right. In the war waged against the offender, we bring our whole wrath, anger, fighting, and cursing of them and God. Our maliciousness is exposed against our brothers and image-bearers of God. This cannot be. Jesus’s disciples are known for how they love one another, and how they love their enemy. Tende-hearted and forgiving just as we have been forgiven of our wrongdoings. 

What’s the application?

I need a self-examination of my motives. Is bitterness the seed at the center of emotions and actions? I need a trusted examination by those who know me. What fruit is hanging low and high in the tree? Am I living a life that exposes the truth of the Christ in my life? Or am I living a lie and harboring wrath, anger, slander, and malice to my brothers in Christ? Or worse, do I have malicious intent toward those outside of Christ? They are lost and do not know what they are doing. We as believers should be working toward Christ-likeness. That means our new self should be more forgiving and loving toward others. We are to strive for perfect forgiveness just as Christ was perfect. Does that make us doormats for everyone? Absolutely not! God gave us boundaries. We have skin that keeps the outside from coming in and the inside from going out. We are designed and crafted as He sees fit and that includes boundaries. We are given the freedom and liberty to cross those boundaries. But when we do, we go beyond the intent of what we were created for. So, I could get offended by someone crossing my boundary and  I could become angry. But, the question is what do I do in my anger? Does it plant the seed of bitterness? Does it blossom and grow until the explosion of emotions and my wrath is poured out on the offender or a bystander? Or do I get curious? It is impossible to be curious and in contempt of another human. This is not a “both-and” situation. It is an “either-or.” We hold them in contempt for wronging us and we hold on to that contempt so that it flourishes into a deep-rooted bitterness and wrath, or do we become curious about the offender? Or do we dig deeper into their hurts and hang-ups so that we are Jesus in their life? What am I planting in their lives? Seeds of bitterness and wrath or seeds of hope and forgiveness.

What’s my response?

Dad, what does my fruit look like? Am I harboring bitterness to brothers in Christ? Is it growing and festering inside me? Is their wrath building up and preparing to launch at my enemy? I don’t believe there is, but I know I can be blind to my anger. My thoughts about “my” righteousness are twisted and manipulated to elevate me. They are not forgiving of other people. I want vindication and “justice.” How prideful of me. How disrespectful of my true King and Lord to think I can do or know better than You. Purify my heart. Align it with Yours. Teach me to lay down myself and live more like Jesus. Amen.