YAWH sees

Psalm 69:5-12

5 O God, it is You who knows my folly, And my wrongs are not hidden from You.   6 May those who wait for You not be ashamed through me, O Lord GOD of hosts; May those who seek You not be dishonored through me, O God of Israel,   7 Because for Your sake I have borne reproach; Dishonor has covered my face.  8 I have become estranged from my brothers And an alien to my mother’s sons. 9 For zeal for Your house has consumed me, And the reproaches of those who reproach You have fallen on me. 10 When I wept in my soul with fasting, It became my reproach. 11 When I made sackcloth my clothing, I became a byword to them. 12 Those who sit in the gate talk about me, And I am the song of the drunkards.

Examine / Explain

YAWH sees and knows all, even when I sin against Him. There is nothing I can hide from Him. Not even my thoughts. Don’t let my shortcomings and my sins be an embarrassment of who You are. Don’t let my actions be an excuse for others not to follow you. I know I have fallen short and am ashamed of what I have done. But I still follow the God of the universe, to the point that my family disowns me. The passion for Your kingdom burns so deep inside me, and I am so entrenched in Your family that when they criticize You, I take it personally. IT BECOMES A PARABLE TO THEM when I seek you and mourn my losses. Those powerful ones converse about me, and I am mocked by those without their wits.

How do I apply this in my life?

Am I currently living a life where I understand God has full knowledge of my thoughts and actions? Or do I forget that and pretend He is unaware of my sin? I think this falls back to my relationship with Him. My skewed view of where He is in relation to me. He is far off and absent and yet provides the things I need. But He really isn’t, He is here with me right now. I just have to focus on Him. I must make adjustments in my thought processes to remember where He is at all times. With me. I am not alone and my actions may represent that. Because if I don’t live like that all the world is going to see is a hypocritical believer incapable of living out what he says he believes. What do I believe? WE ARE INCAPABLE OF LIVING OUTSIDE OF OUR BELIEF SYSTEM! Right now I can say that I know God is always with me, but do I believe it? Does my fruit reflect that truth? If it did, what would others think about me? Not that I want their approval but does my life look like a stranger and alien to culture? Am I in a culture and not of it? Does anyone really know that about me? Do my boundaries in life display the Glory of the Lord in my life? Am I mocked for being a believer? Not that I’m looking for it, and I know some people love my attitude and work ethic, but do I reflect enough of the one who holds my eternity? Do I look at the ones in power and pray for their eternity as they manipulate and control for their own selfish pride? Do I pray for those who think they are following God and their life is “good enough,” or do I sit back and wait for them to falter? Where is our humility? Where is our brokenness over sin? As the Church, as followers in Christ we are to be broken over our sins. By no means am I saying we will live a perfect life this side of eternity, but I think I get frustrated with those who claim to be Christian and have no brokenness about the things they are doing. I’m not even upset if you still sin or live a lifestyle that is contrary to the bible, but what are you doing about it? Are you seeking His face? Are you working out your salvation? Are you putting in the work to deal with the pain that can only be healed by your creator?

What is my response?

Father, I feel I went from a place of inspecting my actions to inspecting others. But at the same time, I am examining my heart. How do I treat others who disagree with me? How do I talk to people who mock You, and they need to hear the gospel? It is my perspective to seek and save the lost and move the found to high ground. Where am I sacrificing for you? I am constantly saying I am not evangelistic, and I know that all it takes is being vulnerable with people to share the good news of who you are. My introvertness, fear, and comfort overtake my thoughts when there is an opportunity. I truly believe you have called me to do this podcast, and I wonder if I am still hiding behind it. It is an opportunity to let others know about you. And I feel like I am heading in the right direction, bringing others on to show Your goodness and grace in our lives. Lord, I think my people-pleasing is still hanging around and I feel like everything has to meet some standard to fit in to be useful. But take whatever you want and make it useful. I have to keep reminding myself you are the potter, and I am nothing more than clay. You mold me and shape me for your good purpose. I pray for you to help me surrender to it. Amen