Scorn has broken me

Psalms 69.20-21

20 Reproach has broken my heart and I am so sick. And I looked for sympathy, but there was none, And for comforters, but I found none. 21 They also gave me gall for my food And for my thirst they gave me vinegar to drink.

Examine / Explain

Scorn has broken my innermost being. I’m looking for anyone who can understand what I am going through. But no one understands. Everyone gives me bitterness, poison, and sourness for me to survive.

How do I apply this in my life?

Read a commentary on this verse, and it made the point that even though the psalmist was probably figurative, Jesus literally experienced this. We moan and groan over our plight. We complain and look to others for support, and they are stuck in their selves.  They are more worried about getting what they need than helping others. Am I falling into this trap? Am I truly helping those around me? I think about my service to others. I am good at intellectual support and being there for others. But I struggle with the action of serving others. Well, it depends. I’m not afraid of hard work or doing the dirty jobs no one else wants to do. But maybe my fear and personality get in the way of finding others who need help. I wait for them to initiate the need for help. That’s not looking out for others very well. My eyes are not up. I’m passive and waiting for something. I know that most people are just like me. They want sympathy and help but will never ask for it. They are waiting for someone to notice. Maybe even for some to acknowledge they are there. We are so relational, and if we know that we are seen, that brings comfort. Not that we have to solve the problem, but we can let them know they can be seen. I want to be seen. I want to be heard. Every man wants to feel significant over feeling safe. We want to feel important. It is important enough to be able to say a word, and others will listen.

What is my response?

Father, help me hear others and be heard by others. Let me see my purpose in my daily life and help me be content with it. Wherever you send me, whatever I do, let me find peace and contentment in it. Help me help other men and let them know they are seen and heard that they are not alone. I want them to know that not everything tastes like poison and bitterness. They can be loved just like you love me. I want to love well in whatever capacity You impart to me. I want to measure up to something other than what I think other people want me to be. I want You to use Your measurement for me. Not that I am worthy but that I am striving to be Christ-like and not Jared-like. That I would rather do some and make You pleased with me than try to accomplish everything and fail at all of it because that is not what you want me to do. I want to build relationships that deal with the messiness of life. I want to wanted by others to be a part of their lives. Lord, I want to serve others how you want me to. Amen.